Many hardcovers

At work, I am currently on the basement level. I was transferred for reasons unknown some three weeks ago. Someone is trying to silence me...

I mostly shelve recently released hardcovers. These include all the latest diet books, all of the recent, hastily penned "exposes" of the presidential candidates and at least one book the cover of which proclaims, apparently with pride, "based on the upcoming videogame."
It also includes an upsetting number of books by this guy.



I can't stand this guy. He does Christian-Themed motivational lectures in a mixture of self-help jargon and poorly retold Bible stories. Like this one, about when the Apostle Peter realized he needed to escape his personal "safe zone".



I can only assume that his other lectures are about when Jesus discovered the power of daily affirmation in reaching his maximum career potential.

But forget that guy. While shelving these books, I have noticed that there seems to be a very uniform method of naming action/suspense/thriller novels. Here is an example, which I recently shelved:



You have probably seen many of titles of this type in airport newsstands. They generally take the following form:

1. Firstly, a spooky proper noun. This will generally be a sinister-sounding surname or some sort of mythical creature. It will occupy an adjectival role in the completed title.

2. Secondly, a noun that is (pick several):
- mysterious
- meaningless
- long
- possibly some sort of double entendre

3. Thirdly, add "The" at the front. This is very important.

For comparison, here are some others of which I have spotted recently:

- The Dracula Dossier
- The Mephisto Club
- The Orpheus Deception (some words are quite popular)
- The Oedipus Pendulum - I made this one up because I lost my notes

As far as I can tell, this trend in novel-naming was initiated by the late Robert Ludlum. If not, then he certainly took the practice to its greatest heights; in his honor I have decided to call them "Ludlums". Ludlum's own Ludlums were breathtaking not just in number, but in variety. For your enjoyment, I list some of the best here:

- The Scarlatti Inheritance
- The Holcroft Covenant
- The Parsifal Mosaic
- The Gemini Contenders
- The Icarus Agenda

Note the great consistency of rhythm and syllable number. Ludlum clearly felt that the best titles have as many three-syllable words as possible. Who could argue with this?

As I'm sure you can tell, the imitators are no match for the master. Nonetheless, every once in a while you will see a Ludlum worthy of the man himself. Of all those I have spotted so far, this one is, I think, the most faithful to Mr. Ludlum's original vision:



Note that word one is NOT a proper noun (at least not until you read the plot summary on the jacket and discover that it's the designation of a secret government organization). As in any craft, never be dogmatic with the rules. The spirit of the law is more important than the letter.

P.S. It occurs to me that perhaps publishers insist on these titles because studies have shown them to be effective in selling this particular type of book. Similar is the way that non-fiction publishers often insist on a lengthy subtitle, so that passing shoppers will not have to actually pick up the book to ascertain its contents.